You know you must get a hard time about this, after singing all those praises for iTunes
But, I will hand it to you, at least you came back with your honest complaints and posted those too.
But, yeah, it's just these types of issues with iTunes that drove me away from it years ago. And, not updating iTunes isn't really an option. You can likely get by without an update for a while, but eventually Apple is gonna force it on you (one way or another, especially if you have an iPhone, been there, done that).
And, I'm glad you got yourself going again, at least. I can't remember, have you tried Foobar2000 before? There are several reasons that many of us prefer Foobar. It is free, so nothing to lose except maybe a little time if it doesn't suit you.