Death of a loved one,Alcohol abuse,Life's a b!$^#.

[highfihoney]

Ive been absent from the forum for a few month's now & some of you may be wondering if i fell off the face of the planet............well i did sort of,between dealing with a dying family member in our home & being in a constant drunken stooper for months my head's been pretty much a bowl of jello.

my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 8 months ago & it spread like lightning,we were faced with a choice of weather to let her die alone in a hospital or to bring her home with us to die,we had a family meeting & we decided to bring her to our home & convert our den to a hospital room & to hire round the clock nursing & hospice,this was not cheap & in the end wound up costing us most of our life savings but it was the easiest part of the process.

In the ensuing weeks we watched her condition go down hill fast & i started drinking,just a shot or two at first then a bloody mary for breakfast until it reached the point where it was a month ago with me drinking a quart of straight vodka every day to hide the pain of watching my mother cough up her lungs & die the most agonizing death anybody could imagine,in the last week of my mothers life her condition was so bad that my wife had to take the children & herself to go stay in my mothers home,it was pretty bad & i never slept except for a few alcohol related black outs, the drinking at that point was round the clock.

On the day of my mothers death we had a family gathering & while i was sipping on a huge glass of 100 proof vodka my youngest son asked me this,Now that grandma is with jesus are you going to stop drinking poppa? I was floored after hearing that little boy say that to me & i poured the booze out on the spot & have not had a drink since.

In the days folllowing the funeral my wife & i were talking & i asked her if my drinking had been out of control & as i expected she said yes,i then asked her how come nobody ever said anything to me & she told me that she had been praying for me & that she & our children understood just how hard it was for me to watch my mother die like that & they knew the drinking would stop as soon as the hard times were over,she also reminded me that i had totally given up on all the things that i enjoy in life like riding my harley's & hifi,i didnt even realize that it had been months since i had listened to the radio or even turned the big rig on & had a listening session,damm did i miss listening to my music collection.

It has been allmost 5 weeks now since my mothers death & ive been sober ever since,ive also tried very hard to spend as much time as possible with my wife & children to make up for the months of pain i caused them while watching me drown myself with ungodly amounts of alcohol,the kids are happy now & the lil woman is feeling much better about things so i figured its about time i joined the rest of the world & got back to doing the things i enjoy.

Right now im listening to miles davis & having a drink..........just coffee

Its good to be back guy's!

 

[Johnd]

It's good to have you back highfihoney. Condolences for the family tragedy, and congratulations on your success at avoiding a further personal tragedy. Those moments of clarity remind us of what is really important. Good day.

 

[markw]

You've just traversed just about the roughest road you can in this life. Watching a loved one fade away, piece by piece, and know that the ONLY thing you can possibly do is to try to make her suffering a little less, even though your suffering increased tremendously in this time.

Be thankful you were able to accommodate her in her final days and let her know that she was loved.

Be thankful you have a loving family that stood by you (and her) during this time.

Be thankful that her suffering has finally ended.

Be thankful that you can now throw away that crutch you needed during the time you witnesses this tragedy 24/7. We're only human.

Be thankful you have people who loved you all through it, even though you were changed, and still love you enough to see you back to what you once were.

You did the right thing and handles it as best as you could.

Your family knows this and, I believe, so do He and your Mother.

 

[billy p]

Wecome Back

I can't tell you for certain all the horrors of cancer and the hardships caused to love ones. I haven't experiance this frist hand but rather my wife is an oncology nurse and some of her patients cases kill her with sadness & emotion!

GOOD LUCK!! BILL

 

[Audioholics]

Thanks for sharing that with us - it helps put things in perspective. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm very glad you came through that experience as what appears to be a better person. Welcome back.

 

[j_garcia]

I feel for you man. I've had plenty of tough times like that with family and close friends (the kind you consider extended family) alike. Things like this are never easy, but you made it through. As it sounds like you are already doing, continue to focus on the GOOD stuff you have and go from there. Bad stuff happens to us all and living in that moment doesn't help anyone; coming out of it and being stronger for it does. Get that rig fired up sometime soon too

My sincere condolences.

 

[zildjian]

HighFiHoney,
I had noticed that you hadn't been on to comment on a couple McIntosh related threads. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother and what you and your family have gone through. You all made a huge sacrifice for your mother, and you should take comfort in all that you did to help your mother make the most of her last months. To be able to stay out of a nursing home or hospital is remarkable, and few are so fortunate. You all will be in my prayers. What's important now is what you are doing, keeping your family together and happy and doing it all with control over your life. If you never lost control of your drinking, congratulations, a lot of people couldn't have done what you did without it overtaking them. It's easy to look at the dark times in ones life with regret, but OTOH such times help build who you are afterward and you come to a greater level of self understanding having survived such days to see new ones. I can't imagine having to go through what you have as I am extremely close to both my parents who are thankfully still alive (my father was diagnosed with stomach cancer in Dec 2002, & liver metastasis were found last year). Just what I've gone through with my father in the last few years has changed my life extremely. It sure has put a lot of things in prospective for the better, and I'll never look at another cancer patient the same or their family members. Anyhow, it's good to have you back, not just here on the forums but back to your life.
Brad

 

[highfihoney]

thanks for the kind words guys.

he guys,thank you for your words of encouragement.

ive got a lot of reading to do to catch up on things,i havent read most of my emails for months & im sitting here right now just staring at the sheer number of them that i have to read,263 to be exact...s#!t

 

[The Dukester]

Isn't it funny how often it's out of the mouths of innocent kids that we hear words that are so true and move us to action? So sorry you had to go through that but my deepest admiration for your caring for your mom that much.
Glad to have you back.

 

[JaceTheAce]

Sir,

My condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing what you went through - it'll all get better with time.

Jason

 

[Sheep]

Good to see you're ok and still kicking. I was beginning to wonder where you were, but with all the crazyness that was partaking in the forums, I just figured you'd had enough.

Everyone on this forum is here for you, and we appreciate you sharing this story. As stated earlier, it helps put things in perspective, and now I don't need to make a "wheres HifiHoney?" thread.

Now, come and share your AV and other stories and experiences.

SheepStar

 

[masak_aer]

Welcome Back HiFi

I am glad you make the right decision at last. I can feel your pain and condolences to you and your family. We are only human. We make mistakes but I am so glad to see you pull it through. Thanks for sharing HiFi..

 

[gmichael]

Hi highfihoney,

I tried to write back yesterday but kept getting choked up. I am so sorry that you had to go through such a terrible experience. I still don't know what to say other than I am glad that you are back.

Michael

 

[STRONGBADF1]

hifi,

I just want to echo the others statments and to add...Good men are not perfect, just men.

Take care,
SBF1

 

[JeffD2.]

Courageous and inspiring.

Consider yourself very fortunate (you surely do already) to have the support of your wonderful wife and family.

I've seen an almost identical situation damn near destroy a family member of mine. His mother was given two weeks to live, but lingered on for an agonizing six months. It took him almost EIGHT YEARS to finally crawl out the hole. Up to 1½ bottles of vodka a day. Six or seven trips to the detox center, the 30 day rehabs and eventually jail.

I call it a hole, as in a black hole, one that will suck you back in if you get too close to the edge again.

Rejoice in your family, immerse yourself in this AV hobby and above all realize you have your family, friends and this Internet community for support, especially this member because I've witnessed all of it first hand.

 

[j_garcia]

We're trying to keep my brother from sinking down into that hole right now... drinking cost him his woman, his job, his home, and then he got a DUI as a result of an alcohol related accident... and yet he still has to turn to alcohol for comfort....tough times for him. It is really hard to watch and feel helpless that it is happening to someone close.

On the other side, my uncle recently passed after complications for diabetes. The family also made the decision to bring him home and at least have him be surrounded by love and comfort.

 

[mustang_steve]

My condolences to you, hifihoney.

Cancer seems to be pretty rampant in my family, so I am well aware of how much it hurts to see someone go like that.

It's great to hear you got out of the bottle too....that's a very slippery slope, and fortunately for you, you got out of it pretty easily.

Great to have you back man.

 

[highfihoney]

We're trying to keep my brother from sinking down into that hole right now... drinking cost him his woman, his job, his home, and then he got a DUI as a result of an alcohol related accident... and yet he still has to turn to alcohol for comfort....tough times for him. It is really hard to watch and feel helpless that it is happening to someone close.

i was very fortunte in the fact that i have had the same job for over 20 years & i was able to turn all of my projects over to my assistant while i fell apart & my employer was & still is very understanding about the whole deal & the episode did not effect my career.

i was also fortunate that my tour of duty with the bottle wasnt long enough to get me hooked to the point where i couldnt stop drinking cold turkey,i feel sorry for the people who have drank to the point that they need it to live,the first 10 days i was sober it felt like i had the worse case of the flu & i couldnt hold a train of thought let alone work,i can only begin to imagine how bad people must feel after drinking heavily for years then trying to quit.

after crap like this it always amazes me at how cool my wife really is,i broke my back 20 years ago & was paralized from the waist down & i had to relearn how to walk again & she stuck with me through all the PT & countless doctors visits,i was also burned over a large percentage of my body with 3rd degree burns years back & after i was released from the burn unit she cared for my wounds while they healed,not to mention when i cut holes in her living room ceiling so a pair of 9ft custom line array speakers i bought would fit or when i sawed her love seat sofa in half & threw it out so i could put a pair of klipschorns in our great room

i think she was more pissed off about me sawing the sofa in half with the sawzall than anything else

i used the edit feature because there is some good that came of all of this that i forgot,my assistant who has worked his a$$ off for me for years got promoted to project manager & is now my equal,right now he is on cloud 9 trying to find better house to buy with the 40% increase in salary he's getting.

just goes to show that all things happen for a reason.

 

[mtrycrafts]

Just reading about your family tragedy. Sorry to hear it. My condolence to your family.

 

[mulester7]

.....I've said it before to you in PM's, and I say it again, you're a good man, Levi....may God help you to fully heal and go on with your life....