What should I do??

[Gatorchong]

So my girlfriend and her niece were hanging out at my house yesterday while I was at work. When I get home, prepare yourself for this, they've got the new HANSON record playing at incredulous volume on my stereo. My question to you is this. Must my speakers be sacrificially burned in the fireplace or is there some cleansing ritual that I can perform to relieve them from the pain of this heinous and cruel violation of their abilities? Should I play nothing but Zeppelin for 24 hours or is it hopeless? What's worse is they made my dog listen to it as well. I'm taking my key back.

 

[joelincoln]

I'm afraid your speakers are forever stained. It's like removing a crease from a folded piece of paper... you can't.

You have two choices...
1- Take them out back and put a bullet into each one and then bury them far from your listening room.

- or -

2- Live with the knowledge that occassionally in the middle of your Houses of the Holy CD, you may hear a sudden "DOO-WOP" blurt from the cones.

My condolences for your loss...

 

[Gatorchong]

What about the dog?? He hasn't been the same since. Somehow. . . . depressed.

 

[GeorgeM]

Well, to help relieve the depression you might reward him with a Snoop Doggie Dog CD; he could just howl along with those exciting tunes .

Or (this could be fun): buy him a cat .

-GeorgeM, UDP
(unlicensed doggie psychotherapist)

 

[Unregistered]

May I suggest Iron Maiden or Black Sabbath at high volumes. Either will surely rid the speakers of any prissy tendencies they have may have picked up after being subjected to Hanson.

 

[Rip Van Woofer]

In addition to the above, some Mahler and Beethoven might help!

 

[JohnA]

The Horror!!!!

Here is an option...I'll take them off of your hands and place them in a new loving home (mine ) to rehabilitate them!

 

[Rock&Roll Ninja]

Here is an option...I'll take them off of your hands and place them in a new loving home (mine ) to rehabilitate them!

Are you talking about the speakers or the women?

And everybody knows Judas Priest is best to reclaim speakers. Run the Metalogy box set through four times in a row. That should clear things up.

 

[Rÿche 1]

And everybody knows Judas Priest is best to reclaim speakers. Run the Metalogy box set through four times in a row. That should clear things up.

Victim of Changes in particular should take care of it...

 

[Rob Babcock]

If only you had The Encyclopedia Metallicus... That would exorcise the demons.

 

[GeorgeM]

Gatorchong: Great revelations await you!!!

But first, to avoid potential catastrophic consequences , insure that the dog is not looking at your monitor. Here you are:

http://inhd.com/products/viewProduct.jsp?prodId=14489

-GeorgeM

 

[annunaki]

Oh... nooo... I ccllicked the... llink! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

You are so mean George. I cannot believe you took the time to find that. I need to watch a Tool video now to clense my vision.

Gator, may I suggest a play through of Tool's Undertow. That should scare the bejesus out of any willy nilly Hanson artifacts from your speakers. As being your best friend, I would think your dog would use the same remedy as you for cleansing.

 

[Gatorchong]

All great suggestions guys. I've been slowly rehabilitating the speakers over the last month or so with some suitably masculine albums I've got and I'm slowly starting to accept them again. Though I still sense just a little bit of sissy when I play ACDC too loud. It's a constant battle....

As for the dog, I've taken away his Eukanuba and I've started feeding him raw beef. And I'm thinking of just capturing some of the neighborhood cats and... well I should probably leave you guys out of that. My girlfriend still doesn't comprehend what she's done. I asked her how she would feel if I stole her Louie Vitton purse and filled it with used motor oil. I still don't think she quite understood what I was getting at. Oh well, thanks for your support in this trying time.

 

[annunaki]

She may not care if the motor oil was from the truck, that delivered the purse to the store.?? Either way that was a good analogy.

I feel the same way when my wife records Lifetime movies on my Dish receiver's hard drive. What a waste of precious space. Just to get even, I have four Formula One races saved at any given time just to hog space. 2.5 hours each x 4 = 10 hours of hard drive that cannot be infected with Lifetime movies. I feel your pain brother.

Sometimes I delete them on purpose, then when she asks me about it, I simply say "oh I thought you watched that already, honey". Or, when I am feeling saucy, I might say something to the effect of "I don't want that crap taking up space (on the hard drive), and conflicting with my show's viewing times!!!"
It is a good thing Formula 1 does not air until the wee hours on Speed Channel so she cannot use it against me!! Ha ha ha!! (in a sinister laugh)

 

[GeorgeM]

Gatorchong: Are you still around? Have you recovered from the Hansontomic trauma? Did you put the motor oil in GF's purse yet

My medical staff has developed esoteric tests to determine the mental and physical well-being of your impaired canine and my engineering staff, specifically employed to respond to your crisis, may have determined the eventual demise of your infected speakers .

Please update your acoustic dilemma with us!

-GeorgeM

 

[Leprkon]

Do you have high end esoteric speaker cables ? If them-that-shall-not-be-named were able to play at all on high-end cables, that would be scientific proof such cables do not make music sound better.

 

[gregz]

Hanson

This is precisely why I don't buy used speakers.

 

[Gatorchong]

What's up guys,

No, I never put motor oil in my girlfriend's purse; only because it would give her cause to purchase another one. (a more expensive one). I don't have terribly expensive cables, but if Monster makes some that can filter out Hanson they'll have a new customer and I'll take back everything I ever said about them. I tried to include a picture of the dog, don't know if it'll work. He's older and much larger now, but still insecure because of the "incident" as I now refer to it.
Hey George, if your medical team needs a test subject I've got a volunteer. He's no good to me anymore.

 

[GeorgeM]

Well Gatorchong,

Here's the scam: We ran Buster's picture through our intelligence and diagnostic data base and the results are as follows:

First of all, Buster's profile does not appear on any of the FBI's Most Wanted posters! Now that's good news and that translates to the fact that Buster was never busted!!!

Next we convened a panel of experts and concluded that Buster may still be infected with an element of the Hansontomia systomatic acoustical viral syndrome and may be predisposed to this malady in the future. So, to determine if Buster is still suffering from the previously documented acoustical detonation, we on the panel (all Nobel prize winners) suggest that you conduct the following test:

At an appropriate time when you and the subject are alone say, "Buster, you are a handsome dog." Now, take note of the stealthy approach here; you are trying to fool Buster into thinking that you said "Buster, you are a Hanson dog." (At this point we recommend that you check your body for canine teeth marks that were previously not present).

If there was no indication of twitching ears, rolled eyes, or growls then Buster (at least temporarily) may be O.K. If this appears to be the case then you could try another scenario to see if there's a reaction. Put on a coat and walk to the door and tell Buster that you're going out with your friend Zac tonight. If there's no reaction then tell him that you're also going to stop by Taylor's house. Still no reaction, then say that you're meet Zac, Taylor, and Issac and that all of you are going to the dogpound to serenade the inmates with a melody of Penny and Me, Broken Angel, and Dancing in the Wind. No adverse reaction from Buster? Good, all is well. If Buster snorted and growled, then we'll have to reconvene our award winning panel.

Disposition of the speakers (the source of the original infection): Our sub-panel (also award winning) consulted with our main panel and concluded that the speakers have been embedded with Hansontomia and will eventually evolve to a state of petrified wood; you should plan for a replacement.

I hope that you'll have some good news to report to us on Buster's well-being.

-George

 

[Leprkon]

G/C, the more I think about it, the more I fear for your cd/dvd player and amplifier... if they also developed acute hansonitis and it gestates all the way through to puberty...

nevermind, that'll never happen....