Alright, if I understand things correctly, at your head end you have 2 HD DirecTV boxes which you wish to share to ALL the rooms (except the living room) with TVs.
This brings us back to the point I made earlier which is that you will need some way to switch components.
You can use a 1x8 HDMI splitter to send HDMI to the rooms:
http://www.monoprice.com/products/product.asp?c_id=101&cp_id=10113&cs_id=1011301&p_id=5070&seq=1&format=2
You will likely want to use HDMI/CAT-5 transmitters. TWO pieces of CAT-5 per run. Preferably CAT-6 that you terminate with proper CAT-6 terminations...
http://www.monoprice.com/products/product.asp?c_id=101&cp_id=10105&cs_id=1010504&p_id=4065&seq=1&format=2
This is the LEAST expensive HDMI solution and will run you about $2,000 for a total of 2 sources to 8 rooms... 1080i max. resolution using these CAT-5 extenders.
This leaves you with zero dollars left over to even start setting up control.
To give you an idea: CONTROL:
MX-850 remote controls - 9 of them - would be about $1,000 via eBay (they never break).
RF-programmable base station - about $500.
So, you could have a simple to use, top quality RF/IR remote w/RS-232 capability for about $1,500 - and the ONLY learning curve would be for the programming. Every remote, in every room, would work the EXACT same way.
I will be honest and say that I think your budget needs to be closer to $5,000 or more for this to be done at all. I think $7,000 or more is realistic for HD video distribution to multiple HD devices. There are ways, such as I listed above, which will give you what you wanted, and I think they are VERY low cost solutions which will be RELIABLE. The remotes will offer decent flexibility, but not 'perfect control. You aren't going to get better really for less money. Control 4 or other control systems would work well, but will easily crush several thousand dollars.
I know I could provide 8 RF remotes and a Crestron system in the $3,000 range for control only. Once again, exceeding what you are setting as a budget right now.
What is the OTHER option?
Component video:
This is the traditional means for distribuing video, including HD video.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Extron-12x8-Crosspoint-Series-Switcher-RGBHV-Video_W0QQitemZ270313586461QQihZ017QQcategoryZ21169QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
That's $1,000 for up to 12 HD inputs, and up to 8 HD distinations using component video and analog (or digital coaxial) audio.
You would need ONE run of component video to each location, and one digital coax feed and one analog audio feed.
Despite your worries of control being the 'big' issue, I think that by far your big issue is determining exactly how you intend to get multiple HD sources located in an equipment rack throughout your home.
Control can be handled, most often, by running one piece of CAT-5 to the room for (maybe) hard wired control, and one wire to the TV/component area for IR repeaters/RS-232 control. A couple of wires covers control - but FAR more thought needs to be put in place for how to actually get things where they need to be reliably.
I have done what you are trying to do dozens of times, and I can promise you that a few pieces of CAT-5 is pretty good for ensuring you will have control, but the real expense and thought is the HD video distribution.
You are in a fairly good place with wiring - but you will need to decide now how you want to wire things up. HDMI or component. HDMI sounds great, but is PHENOMENALLY more expensive than component video.
How much more expensive to do HDMI the proper way (matrixed)?
http://cgi.ebay.com/8X8-HDMI-1-3-Matrix-switching-with-HDCP_W0QQitemZ120336923691QQihZ002QQcategoryZ73390QQssPageNameZWD1VQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp1638Q2em118Q2el1247
$6,500 for an 8x8 HDMI model - that's $5,500 more than the component version.