This is how you sell a Jeep !

BoredSysAdmin

BoredSysAdmin

Audioholic Slumlord
http://enid.craigslist.org/cto/4119280944.html</div>
1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
220K Miles
4.0 L in-line 6
4WD
AUTOMATIC Transmission
Bright Red
Straight Stock
Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
POWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!

$1750

Here's the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It's a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.


If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and b***h a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.


If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid s**t: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?


If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

DETAILS:
-I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
-Rear bumper has a big-a** crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven't fixed it.
-Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn't matter
A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don't want to replace them I will.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kick a**, so there.

QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can't justify owning it anymore. Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.

-What's wrong with it?
Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver's side door cosmetic issues.
And it's pissed it has been neglected and parked. It needs rescued.

-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.

-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I'm not in the salvage business. Buy the Jeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.

-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of s*** honda project down the road.
I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad mofo.

-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
I haven't had the time to do so. So I am selling it.

-Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
I don't give a ****. But be sure to use quality components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lift!

-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.

-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I'd drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.

-Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No. I'll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don't show.

-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That's great, I don't give a ****. Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.
Why? Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I'd rather keep it.
But if it's going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you're an ******* - then no sale.

-Why are you such a ****?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
ImcLoud

ImcLoud

Audioholic Ninja
Yup, thats how you do it, $1750 is a lot for that thing though, while the 4.0 is a good motor, its good for around 200K, sooooo.... and they are getting harder to find. I love my jeeps, we have a 2013 rubicon unlimited wrangler rite now, but I have had many over the years.. There is a sand pit near a restaurant we go to a few times a month, and I love pulling in there after dinner, in 2wd, buring here to the quarter panels, then popping it into 4wd low and climbing out like it was never stuck.... plus watching my wife bounce around the passenger compartment is fun, and easily worth the price of a new front fender here and there, they bolt rite on and come painted...
 
j_garcia

j_garcia

Audioholic Jedi
2000 Yamaha WR400F

For sale is a 2000 Yamaha WR400F.
One owner. Ridden all over the place. No title. It's a dirtbike.

It has participated in Ice Racing, Motocross, Super Moto,, TT's, Flat Track, and GNCC's. It has been ridden in Glamis, Pismo, Ocotillio Wells, Coos Bay, Florence, Sand Lakes, Single Track of Blue Ridge in Vancouver BC Canada, all over Alaska's outback, through rivers, on top of glaciers and frozen lakes and rivers, up and down mountain sides, through city streets, golf courses, and gravel pits, has had multiple impacts at high speed (one at 95mph) resulting in rider concussions and general mayhem, jumped off steel ramps, natural dirt doubles, Dirt Hips, Sand of all types, boulders, concrete drops, and generally ridden quite hard for the last 13 years.

Estimated to have done over 10,000 fifth gear wheelies on pavement. The type that result in the front wheel slowly rolling to a stop, then going backwards from the wind. Then leaving 747 style marks on the pavement while white smoking the tire to glory from touching down at 80+mph. Apparently you can wear out 5th gear on a motorcycle. A few times. In fact, art has been created in it's wheelying honor because it has spent most of it's life on the back wheel. It has spent thousands of hours attempting to recreate the abilities of Chris Carr, Ty Davis, Seth Enslow, and Geoff Aaron. Possibly 2 minutes of this entire time could be said to have achieved a fraction of those abilities. Most notably Seth Enslow. Of those abilities, the eating **** part tends to stick out.

The engine has been rebuilt 4 times, the center cases replaced once due to a crack resulting from the chain snapping off on a landing off a steel ramp on a 60 foot gap, radiators replaced twice due to frontal impacts during a bout with another racer during one of the above mentioned races, multiple fender and side panel replacements, some due to being run over by other racers, most notably during ice racing which is exceedingly scary by the way, some due to wheelying over backwards, or cat scratching and high siding whilst sideways at high speed on numerous surfaces, multiple handgaurd replacements, a few piston and ring replacements, one crankshaft replacement, multiple timing chain replacements,fifth gear replaced 3 times with new shifting forks, 2 clutch replacements, one was due to fragmentation of the aluminum plates, resulting in an engine rebuild, one valve set replacement with re-cutt valve seats, tons and tons of oil filter and oil changes and air cleaner changes, always using high quality oils, either Bel Ray or Maxima.

In it's current configuration it has a 2001 YZ426 connecting rod, piston and cylinder. It now displaces 426 CC's.

It is running the stock exhaust with the baffle removed, but available if you need stealth mode by replacing the spark arrestor.

Front tire is in really good shape, back tire can work for a while.

IMS high capacity gas tank with a YZ 426 seat.

YZ 450 Radiators.

Stock cams in stock WR configuration, as I have found this to be the best setup for really really smooth long predictable showstopping wheelies.

Change it to the YZ timing and remove the grey wire from the CDI box and get more peak power and more snap at the loss of the most brilliantly delivered power known to man.

The original throttle stop was removed in the five minutes it took to get from the showroom floor to the pickup.

Suspension is setup to chew 3 foot whoops at 90 mph with a 190 lb or so rider.

Headlight works still, running a 100 watt halogen H4, although a little scary for use in technical terrain at high speeds at night.

Runs and starts always. ALWAYS.

This is about the most reliable machine on planet earth that I have ever come across.
Throughout my 13 year campaign of trying to destroy the Mighty Yamaha WR400F, and while succeeding in some ways, I am still baffled that I have done only a SINGLE valve adjustment in it's whole history. I believe this to be in part by Yamaha's solid original design, and in part due to religiously keeping clean oil and air in the beast. Try and say that about a modern Honda CRF 450 variety motorcycle.

So why would you want this? Honestly, I have no idea. But here are some thoughts on it.

Some say it is old, outdated, outclassed. I believe the same of the people who say that about this motorcycle. It has great, predictable, never ending power, incredibly tunable suspension, unbelievable reliability, fantastic range, and weighs as much as 12 Portland grade hipsters.

It requires a starting drill. It is part of the religion you receive when purchasing this motorcycle. It goes something like this:

This is an excerpt from book one of four hundred and fifty two of "Owning this Damn Motorcycle".
I hope you like to read.

1) When it is cold, you twist the throttle 3 times. EXACTLY THREE TIMES. NO **** ROUND!!!

2) Pull out the choke knob. The hidden black one. NOT The red one.

3) Roll the engine over with the kickstarter slowly till it's at top dead center. You will know because it will take 17 portland hipsters to move it further.

3) Pull in the decompressor. The little anodized blue lever. NEXT to the clutch. Now that we are on the subject of decompressors, use this thing only when it is NOT running. Some people think it is a good kill switch. That to me is my switch to kill someone who is that incompetent.

4) Let the kickstarter rise all the way back up, move the lever an inch. ONE INCH. NO **** ROUND.

5) Release the decompressor. Say a little prayer. Let the kickstarter come all the way back up again. Set your foot on the mother. Say two more prayers. Maybe three for good measure.

6) Clinch Your teeth.

7) Are you wearing sandals or motorcycle boots?

8) Kick with vengence. Like you ****in mean it. Like you were giving a curbie to a zombie on the walking dead. Like THAT.

9) TA DA! The beast is now alive. Warm it up. Remove the choke. Let her come back to an idle. Don't rev it wildly. Just let it settle. Turn it off. Check the oil. Adjust as required. Do the whole thing again.

10) Ride.

11) If it is hot, flooded from stupidity, either from a fall or raping the throttle while it isn't running (can you say, accelerator pump?), pull the hot start button. the red one. the Accessible one. Then do the drill again. Make sure you say at least 12 prayers and think of 15 Portland hipsters jumping on a kickstarter all at the same time.


What it comes with:

The manual. Very used.
A nice aluminum YZ 426 exhaust, should you like that sort of thing, and the headpipe.
A box of miscellaneous engine parts. Gaskets, pistons, cylinders, crankshaft, engine case parts, wheel bearings, sprockets, inner tubes, some plastic.
The stock gas tank. Not sure why but I still have it.
A ramp. It's kind of lame, but it is a ramp.
A stand.
Various lubricants for maintenance.
An flag mount for the dunes. (sorry, no more paddle, 9 of the 10 paddles were gone anyways)
A certificate of manliness/womanliness/unicliness/humanliness/whateverliness floats your boat.If you can start this motorcycle one, and if you can ride this motorcycle two, your deserve some kind of damn certificate.
A printed copy of this craigslist ad.
A bill of sale on parchment written in the best calligraphy.

Basically, this bike has truthfully had the snot beaten out of it, but has also had a lot of love, time and money poured into it. This bike will do it all, it's real limitation is the rider.
 
j_garcia

j_garcia

Audioholic Jedi
And another one. Lots of language though.

YOUR LEGACY STARTS HERE (1997 Subaru Legacy Outback)


HOLY **** THIS ****ING CAR
LOOK AT THIS ****ING CAR
IT'S A 1997 SUBARU LEGACY OUTBACK
*****ES LOVE 1997 SUBARU LEGACY OUTBACKS (SOURCE: THE *****ES)

WHAT YOU THINK 2 WHEEL DRIVE IS ENOUGH FOR YOUR COMMUTE?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE COMMUTING THROUGH AN APOCALYPTIC ZOMBIE HORDE
YOU CAN'T AFFORD A KEY LOSS OF TRACTION WHEN THE FLESH EATERS ARE BANGING ON YOUR REINFORCED GLASS WINDOWS
GOOD THING THIS SUBARU IS 4 ****ING WHEEL DRIVE

THIS CAR ROCKS AN AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION
SO IT'S FOR YOU CLASSY ****ERS TOO BUSY BANGING THE PROM QUEEN TO WORRY ABOUT WORKING THE CLUTCH

OH AND NEWSFLASH ****ERS
IT'S WINTER
THIS IS MICHIGAN, HOMES, IT GETS COLD
NOBODY'S GOING TO WANT TO MAKE OUT IN A ****ING NEON WITH BUSTED HEAT

LUCKILY THIS SUBARU HAS HEATED G**DAMNED SEATS SO WHILE YOU'RE FRENCH KISSING KATE UPTON (kate upton loves subarus) YOU'LL KEEP BOTH OF YOUR FINE A**ES TOASTY
THOR DIDN'T SLAY THE FROST GIANTS OF JOTUNHEIMR FOR YOU TO BE COLD ON THE WAY TO WORK
HE'D BE ALL LIKE, "NAY, PURCHASE THIS HORSELESS CHARIOT WITH HEATED SEATES"
BUT LIKE, THOR HAD GOATS NOT HORSES
BUT YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DEBATE THE MERITS OF YOUR FAVORITE BEAST OF BURDEN WHILE BLASTING YOUR FAVORITE JAMZ OUT OF THESE UPGRADED SPEAKERS (kate upton loves upgraded speakers)

AND OH YEAH
THIS BEAST HAS CRUISE CONTROL
TRULY, YOU ARE MASTER OF YOUR OWN DOMAIN

THIS MOTHER****ER HAS DONE 180,000 MILES AND IS STILL GOING STRONG
I HEAR IF YOU BREAK 200,000 YOU GET TO ENTER YOUR INITIALS IN THE HIGH SCORE SCREEN
SURE IT GOT SOME DAMAGE WHEN I WAS TOKYO DRIFTING WITH VIN DIESEL, BUT THE DAMAGE IS 100% SUPERFICIAL. THE CAR WORKS SO ****ING GOOD BECAUSE I SPENT A DRAGON'S HOARD WORTH OF GOLD TO REPLACE THE PARTS
THE ONLY REASON I'M GETTING RID OF IT IS BECAUSE I'M MOVING TO A FAR OFF LAND WHERE PUBLIC TRANSPORT IS A THING

BILL CLINTON WAS PRESIDENT BACK IN 1997 AND HE ABSOLUTELY SLAYED P*SSY
IF YOU BUY THIS 1997 SUBARU LEGACY OUTBACK YOU WILL TOO
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LOGIC WORKS

SO RISE, YOU BAD*SS NEW GOD, AND CLAIM YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE INSIDE THIS CAR
 

Latest posts

newsletter

  • RBHsound.com
  • BlueJeansCable.com
  • SVS Sound Subwoofers
  • Experience the Martin Logan Montis
Top