Well fellow audioholics, it has come to my attention that the vast majority of the population is not adequately prepared for a zombie invasion. It is my wish, no my duty, that I inform everyone here at audioholics what to do, and when to do it during a zombie invasion. Remember gang, this isn't a question of if, but a question of when zombies will invade our world. I want to be prepared, don't you?
Question 1: "Where are those bastards!?!?".
- So this is a no brainer, you need to know where the zombies are and how many are infected. If you are within 100 miles of the "hot zone", you need to move....now! Collect your zombie killing and survival tools and get the hell out of there, fast.
Question 2: "What do I need to survive?"
- Well I'm glad you asked, this is by far the most important question you could ask. What you bring could mean the difference between living and becoming zombie chow. The first thing everyone needs is a semi automatic firearm, preferably in a large caliber. You're looking in the .357 magnum-.50 magnum area. Where as a rookie survivalist might reach for a handgun with a large magazine, the veteran would reach for the revolver. Why you ask? Reliability my friend.....reliability. The worst thing that could happen is a jam while your firing for your life.
Shock's recommended revolver = Smith & Wesson Model 686-P
Shock's recommended handgun = Beretta M92
Now, of course you're going to need several thousand rounds of ammo for whatever you choose. So that takes care of your personal firearms, but what if you have a badass zombie coming for your neck fast and you want to take it down in one shot? Well you reach for something with a little more stopping power, ideally a 12 gauge shotty. Benelli or a Browning would be a good choice for reliability. This choice is less important because you will not have your shotty with you at all times.
As for your choice of rifle, it's obvious and any die hard zombie assassin knows there's only one choice, Ak47. The most reliable rifle on the planet, this is the ultimate in massive murder of the undead. Featuring a 7.62x39mm cartridge being propelled at 2300 feet per second, this is a zombies worst nightmare. Remember fellas, aim for the head....and it be dead.
Now if you're more into the hands on destruction of the undead then reach no further than your Louisville Slugger. One swing with this bad boy will completely decapitate any soft fleshed zombie coming your way. The best part about it? No reloading.
. One last thing, you're going to need a chain saw. Why you ask? Why the **** not? It's a ****ing chainsaw.
As far as food is concerned, it is important to rely on your surroundings. It doesn't matter how much food you can stuff into your escape vehicle, you will run out eventually. If you don't already have books about edible plants and survival tips you will also need one of these.
Question 3: Where should I go?
- Well contrary to public opinion, you should not head north, ever. Everyone and their grandma are going to try to get out of dodge by heading north. This alone should be deterrent enough to not head in that direction. You need to stay alone, and you need to stay in recluse. You're going to want to head somewhere heavily wooded, with ample wild game around. The worst thing you can do is head into a populated city to resupply. You will get bitten.....period. Some of the best places to set up a new home are rock quarries, where there is only one way in and out with steep cliffs on all sides. This is your new fortress of solitude, get used to it. You can use the abandoned equipment to help you bring in trees and anything else you might need to make your new bachelor pad. Look for berry bushes and other natural ways of survival.
Question 4: "How long will these zombies live"?
- Excellent question. Hollywood has lead you to believe that zombies can live for years without eating. This is just simply not true. Zombies are forced to feed nearly constantly to survive. The undead can use up an entire cities "fresh meat" supply in a matter of weeks leaving the majority of them dead from starvation.
With this as a guide and any luck at all you will come out of the outbreak as one of the few to survive. You will need to repopulate the planet at that point, which is the ultimate in rewards.
One last thing fellas, living secluded in the woods can be lonely. However the T-virus is the ultimate STD, stay away from hot zombie chicks.
