Technically, you want NO overlap. The crossover handles the overlap portion via the slope of the crossover, so you want them crossed at the same point, which is exactly the same thing that your receiver does when using its internal crossover. The benefit of letting the receiver do this is that you don't have to "figure out" what it should be set at, and ideally you can't set this properly manually - it needs to be done with the use of a SPL meter. If you want them set to large for music, there are options for "pure direct" or "source direct" that do this for you, without sub usually and with sub on some receivers.
As mentioned, with your mains set large, you don't have the ability to use a crossover point unless you are using an external crossover. This setting only applies to whatever speakers you have set to small.
EQ and X-over are not the same thing.