http://www.lutron.com/products/residential/
Lutron is pretty much an industry gold standard for dimmable lighting and the Spacer System and the Grafik Eye are the two products that get top honors for dimmable lighting control. Both offer multiple lighting scenes and IR control. I personally use the Spacer System since it allows one for one switch replacement quite easily.
For your lights, you definitely want to consider the entire room.
The single biggest mistake: People think that because it is a theater environment that lighting should be kept to a minimum.
In fact, the exact opposite is true. You want lots of lighting and you want it to all be indirect. Or more accurately - off the screen. Lots of recessed cans in the room with halogen lights (no dimming noise) on dimmers. You never end up running them at full power, but the split among several loads does a fantastic job of allowing you to keep light off the screen.
I don't have a great photo of it, but I have 13 recessed lights in my family room split into 3 loads. One for the central part of the room including over the screen. One load over the couch, and one load over the fireplace. The lighting over the couch can be cranked WAY up putting lots of light where viewers are sitting. Think a couple hundred watts of lighting, not 'just enough to read'. This light is shockingly bright but completely indirect which leaves a great image up on the screen.
Why more lighting? Because when the screen is up and you need to work on equipment, or you want general even lighting throughout the room, the additional light really does a great job. Plus, when lighting is low, it more evenly is distributed throughout the entire room. Because it is indirect, you don't get as much light as you really do from a single bulb in a room. But, by adding more lights and turning down the levels, you get much more even coverage.
For actual recessed lights? I used retro kits from Home Depot and made sure the hole they went into was a tight fit and properly secured them. The only chance I think they would have to rattle would be if there were in ceiling speakers to contend with.
This image is totally photoshopped, but you get an idea of breaking up the lighting load.