An alter boy goes in for Confession, and he sits down across from the priest and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned; I slept with a girl in my grade at another school."
The priest says "All will be forgiven. But for my own curiosity, who was it?"
"Father, I promised her I wouldn't tell a soul. I don't even think she'd be comfortable with me telling you."
"It wasn't Kathleen O'Reilly, from St. Mary's, was it?"
"Father, she made me promise not to tell."
"Was it Sophia Lopez, from Holy Family?"
"Father, I don't want her to get a reputation."
"It couldn't have been Maria Fratelli, at St. Augustine's?"
"Father, you don't understand how important it is to her that I keep this a secret."
"Was it Emma Leblanc, from Sacred Heart?"
"Father, she really doesn't want word of this to get around."
The priest thought for a minute. Finally he said "I admire your dedication to your friend, but I can't let this transgression go unpunished. You are suspended from the alter guild for three months. Each night during your suspension, recite the Act of Contrition and pray the rosary before going to bed, and all will be forgiven. Now run along."
The newly-suspended alter boy hops out of the church and crosses the street, where his friend is waiting for him. His friend asks "So what did you get?"
"Three months of vacation and four good leads."