Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
A few Classified Ads which were actually placed in UK Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8 years old, Hateful Little Bastard, Bites!

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED

Also 1 gay bull for sale

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.​

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything

 
Last edited:
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
COMPUTER KNOWLEDGE:

Tech support:
What kind of computer do you have?
Customer:
A white one...
Tech support:
Click on the 'My computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:
Your left or my left?
******************************

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.



Customer:
Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can’t find printer’.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,but the computer still says he can't find it..
 
panteragstk

panteragstk

Audioholic Warlord
COMPUTER KNOWLEDGE:

Tech support:
What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'My computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
******************************

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.



Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can’t find printer’.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,but the computer still says he can't find it..
Boy do I not miss my desktop support days.
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.

The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
 
BoredSysAdmin

BoredSysAdmin

Audioholic Overlord
I got fired from my job today for having sex at work.

My boss reamed me out and I said, "What was I supposed to do, she was just lying there naked!"

He shouted, "The autopsy! The ducking autopsy!"

Then he fired me and called me the worst Vetrinarian ever.
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
 
Eppie

Eppie

Audioholic Samurai
And this also is interesting and a true story. We showed our little nephew, 13, a old phone, and the first thing he said, how did you carry that uncle Chris. I went what. Smiled and told him where telephones came from. View attachment 54911
I have a 1956 rotary phone on my stereo cabinet. Looking forward to doing the same with some grandkids some day.
 
panteragstk

panteragstk

Audioholic Warlord
And this also is interesting and a true story. We showed our little nephew, 13, a old phone, and the first thing he said, how did you carry that uncle Chris. I went what. Smiled and told him where telephones came from. View attachment 54911
I have a 1956 rotary phone on my stereo cabinet. Looking forward to doing the same with some grandkids some day.
This was my kids first toy phone so I don't think this joke will work for me....oldest is 8 for some perspective.

 

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