Heavy Duty-BS
"Heavy Duty - Bass Standard (Heavy Duty-BS) is the most revolutionary development in sound reproduction this century. Products containing the HD-BS logo deliver a natural and pure sound so clear that Edward Rottencrotch of Bunghole County, GA, who has been blind and deaf since childhood, was able to hear sounds denied to him since he was a toddler. This can only be acheived with some "Heavy Duty - BS"
Since the invention of the modern loudspeaker in the 1920’s, designers and engineers have struggled to make a speaker that reproduces a sound that comes close to the original sound quality of camel flatulance. Trying to develop a driver capable of handling this highly demanding sound within a small cabinet without the use of actual camel dung in the construction remained unresolved until Richard Head, president of BS Audio, invented the Transmission Uniformity Reactor Device (TURD).
Normal sound systems tend to emit distortion. But with patented TURD technology we have been able to produce distortions of such high degree that you will swear a camel has just broke wind. As speaker- size diminishes so does its ability to reproduce low-frequency signals. This may not be a problem when trying to reproduce the sound of other domesticated animal flatulance. But as fate would have it, one evening our design engineers were sitting around the campfire deciding which camel had the sexiest hind quarter, the largest of the herd let go with one of the most powerful and eye watering fart ever heard. So of course they immediately put their clothes back on and started planning how to reproduce this sound in a compact enclosure.
Many companies are using electronics to lessen the distortion. According to Shoey Stinkfinger, retired CEO of Bose, “…To a large extent, in the audio field, consumer electronics is quality. But, if you look inside a modern Bose product, it's actually crap…” Forward looking companies using TURD avoid this quality sound so the consumer can enjoy the desired crap sound.
White Van Audio and other companies are currently using ETL in their audio products. You know that if quality companies like these are using this technology it must be the absolute best available.
ETL technology, marketed as Heavy Duty-BS, is making a wave that is drowning the competition with the natural sound of camel fart— and we all know that this is what the music consumers want to hear.
Also available with limited edition "scratch 'n sniff" cards to complete the experience once only found around a desert campfire.
