your post reminds me of the south park episode where the gay teacher invents a vehicle so people dont have to play and it rapes your mouth and @ss while it drives, people say "well its better than flying"....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1y4RRWm3xw
Haha. I'd still take flying over that, but, yeah, I pretty much feel like I'm getting raped every time I fly.
A few, off the top of my head 'Rules of Flying': (I'm slightly injured, so, have some extra time)
1. Get prepared for security IN THE LINE. Laptop out, belt off, put your wallet and phone in your bag, pull out your baggie, and then all you have to do is kick off your shoes.
2. If your kid is old enough to hold a chicken mcnugget, it's not eligible for pre-boarding. That's for old and disabled people, ********.
3. Middle seat gets both center armrests.
4. If you are in a window, don't drink a ton on the airplane making everyone get up continually so you can pee. It's not a hiking trip, you can hydrate when we land.
5. Don't get drunk on an airplane. Just, don't.
6. Putting your seat back:
6a. On a domestic flight:
-Business/First: look back first in case the persons laptop is in the way. Just put it back like half way if you need to.
-Couch: Leave it up.
-Puddle jumper type plane: Don't even think of putting that seat back.
6b. On international:
-Business: Can put it back, but not into 'bed mode' until the lights are off.
-Couch: Kill yourself if the flight is longer than 7-8 hours. Dubai couch, seriously you'll consider suicide. No seating arrangement will help.
-First: There are like 8 seats, so everyone is full-fair (yikes!), no way to upgrade in, and its never worth the miles or money. Everyone pretty much knows the rules.
7. Don't get hostile with people on airplanes, it's worthless.
8. Silence your phone, you're not important. Can't hear on a damn airplane anyways, so, might as well text on silent. Tada!
9. Don't carry on giant bags. Just check the ****ing thing. And I don't care that you're a women, you brought that giant ass bag on instead of checking it because you're impatient, so I feel no pity of you trying to lurch it into the overhead bin. I will watch with enjoyment.
11. Shutup.
12. Don't bring a damn pizza on the plane. It smells.
13. Don't put your feet on the seat in front of you.
14. Taking off your shoes is basically weird and gross, you'll live.
15. On international overnight flights, use a screen dimmer on your laptop when the lights are off.
...I'll stop heh...
Flying Pro-tip of the Day: On long or international flights in business class across the pond, right after breakfast is when the bathrooms are busiest. So, eat your breakfast fast and you got dibs on the clean bathroom for a quick teeth brush and pee. The menu on a US carrier will be a fruit plate with granola, cereal and a bagel, or something with sausage your afraid to eat... look for rolls...take two... the granola or bagel won't fill you up and the hot dish is too nasty.
Blood sugar?